the beginning of a beautiful life.

now that i knew what i wanted, for real, getting from point A (connecticut) to point B (nashville) is like an advenure in itself. lots of little lessons included.

the first thing that comes to mind when i think about the future (my future) is that God gives specifics on a need-to-know basis. and His definition of need-to-know is not the same as my definition of need-to-know. if you know what i mean.

next, i learned that He doesn't need any help.

for example, last year i had this goal to be packed up and moved out by january. of 2012. (hi, it's february. this didn't happen.) the thing is, i knew i didn't have enough money to make the move when i made this goal, so i hunted around for another job so that i would be able to achieve this goal. basically, i was getting another job so that i could make my dream come true by myself.

re-read that last sentence. it's very self-centered, isn't it? yeah. so that's why, when i was offered a job that i applied for, i turned it down. because God doesn't need any help getting me to where i need to be. money is no obstacle for Him. if He really wanted me in nashville by january, i'd be in nashville by january. no second job was going to change that.

however, i learned very quickly that even though you know you need to let go, or even loosen your grip on your dream, that doesn't mean that you do. sure, i turned down the job, but i was still holding on very tightly. i wasn't taking control, but i wasn't giving it up either.

until i read this post about surrender by jon acuff.

it's a pretty non-specific post about how we think of surrender as "letting go of something amazing in exchange for something average." but he included this bit about dreams that really got me. "this is the lie of chasing your dream: that when you let go of your plans and trust God’s, He will call you into a mission that you will hate."

okay, because i honestly thought that if i let go of my plans, God wouldn't step in and put the pieces together for me. i thought that if i let go of this amazing dream, God would keep me stuck in my average life. and that terrified me.

one more thing. jon ended his post with these words and so will i because it's like icing on the cake. (which we all know if the best part. obviously.)

"surrender is not the end of a beautiful life. it is the beginning."