how your Father feels about you.

There is something about holding a baby as she’s falling asleep in your arms. Feeling her little body calm down and settle into you is like an indicator that she feels calm and settled with you. And I love that, because I want her to know she is. I want her to feel safe enough in my arms that she can completely let go and trust that I’ve got her. This past weekend was full of moments like this as I held my two month old niece basically all weekend.

She likes to sleep upright with her legs tucked underneath her, I learned. She likes to snuggle in. Any time I felt her legs wiggle, I’d pull them up and hold her with them tucked beneath her. When she’d restlessly turn her head back and forth against my chest, I’d put my hand on it to remind her I had her. If nothing else, I’d bounce on my toes. All babies love a good bounce, and she’s no different. It was never long before her body would relax.

Once, as I sat holding her as she slept, I kept thinking about how sweet it is to hold a sleeping baby in your arms. How sweet it is to have someone curled up into you. I felt Holy Spirit in that moment. That’s how your Father feels about you, too.

I stopped rocking in the chair and thought about all the times I’ve curled up in the fetal position for one reason or another, because that’s all I could do. Toss and turn and cry out to God. I thought about how it always felt more like weakness, or failure – proof I wasn’t strong enough to keep going. But what if God holds me like I hold my niece? What if He repositions His arms around me so that I feel more secure? What if He’s moving closer to remind me that He’s there, that He’s got me, that I can trust Him? What if He loves watching me calm down and settle in because He knows how good it is for me to rest?  What if letting go is actually what I’m supposed to do because I can trust that He’s holding me (that He’s holding everything)?

Looking back at my snuggly niece, it’s easy to feel a sense of pride that I got her to sleep – maybe because it means I got her to trust me. I know she’ll benefit from a nap. I know I’ll keep her safe. Her sleeping body means she believes it too. I imagine myself curled up like that in the arms of God. How patient is He as He holds me and waits for me to give in? How does His heart swell with pride when I do?

Of course, this resting state isn’t permanent. There are times for work and times for rest, but I think we forget – I often forget – that rest is necessary. Not just for the sake of our own work and our own longevity, but to remember that we don’t have to – that we actually literally don’t – hold it all together. God does, and we can trust He is doing that, even while we sleep.