this past year has been incredibly challenging.
i have tried to be honest with my words in this space, but just in case: there it is.
some days, the healing feels almost tangible and i cry tears that feel a lot like relief. on these days, i can see the ways in which my life is changing, my faith is growing, and i can't sit still in anticipation of whatever is just around the corner.
other days, it seems as if i've somehow tumbled backwards and i find myself crying uncontrollable tears, for the way things have fallen apart, and for the way i can't seem to pull it together. on these days, i am blinded by hopelessness
i feel defeated and tired, like i can't. i can't do it anymore.
i have always been an emotional person, but it took me a while to realize that part of that means i am more empathetic than i am sympathetic. how i connect and relate to the people around me is on an emotional level. i love not only understanding how other people think and feel, but i take it upon myself to try to climb inside the how and why and what if it were me?
i might not agree with your choices or your opinions, but i try to respect them by way of understanding how you got there. because i think the little pieces matter. the places you stop along the way matter. the things they made you feel matter.
i think that, at the end of the day, who you are is a combination of these things, not someone in spite of them.
nobody ever wants to feel anything except happiness and success, but i think that only focusing on those things makes the struggle harder to navigate. i think it's better to own the pain, to lean into it, rather than push it out or avoid situations that will hurt.
i think you'll come out on the other side stronger for it.
THE TEMPTATIONS IN YOUR LIFE ARE NO DIFFERENT FROM WHAT OTHERS
EXPERIENCE. AND GOD IS FAITHFUL. HE WILL NOT ALLOW THE TEMPTATION
TO BE MORE THAN WHAT YOU CAN STAND. WHEN YOU ARE TEMPTED, HE WILL
SHOW YOU A WAY OUT SO THAT YOU CAN ENDURE. | 1 CORINTHIANS 10:13
i stumbled across this verse recently, and it caught my attention for the ways in which it is consistently (mis)quoted, during times of struggle (which is relevant to my life, currently) or when simply shared as an uplifting reminder.
everyone likes to highlight the middle sentence of that verse, showcasing the part about how god won't give you more than you can handle, as if, on its own, it's something to stand on. but as someone who puts a lot of weight into how i feel (and how you feel), i don't find it to be that encouraging.
the problem with cropping this verse down to the one sentence is that, in doing so, you also crop the importance of god out. the weight gets shifted from his faithfulness onto how you feel, and your perception of what you think you can handle.
as i read the words, over and over again, in a handful of different translations, i couldn't help but be thankful for the way it continues. for the four little words found in the next sentence.
so that you can.
these four words felt like relief the first time i read them. i hadn't even realized how shallow i'd been breathing until they let me breathe deeper. because, to me, these four words are full of hope and strength and are what gives power to the words that come before them. they tell you why and how you ARE strong enough to face your situation: because he will make you strong enough.
it's not about what god allows, or doesn't allow, to happen. it's not about how you feel or what you think you can handle. it doesn't even matter if what you're facing is a temptation or a decision or a whole lot of empty space.
the point is, he's with you. he's on your team. he's ready to arm you with whatever you need to take a step forward.
so that you can.