a few weeks ago, i was having a really hard time. and i mean, it took every bit of energy i had just to be functional. i couldn't even pretend like things were okay. they weren't, and i lacked the energy to try and prove otherwise.
i would wake up in the morning, after a terrible night's sleep, and seriously wonder how i was going to make it through the day. i would go to school or work, and fight to keep my eyes open and my attention focused. no amount of hot chocolate or diet dr. pepper was enough. i would do the bare minimum and still, i felt like i couldn't keep up.
now, weeks later, i can't even explain how exhausting it really was because i don't know how. and because it doesn't matter. i made it through. just barely, but i made it. and it was all because every night, in the two minutes i had after my head hit the pillow and before i fell asleep, i would pray. i prayed that God would be with me, help me, and forgive me for not having time - for not making time - to read my Bible that day. i prayed that, over and over, because i couldn't find any other words to say. i was too close to sleep, and the only thing i could think was, i need You so please just be with me.
and it was enough. i made it through, and things got easier.
i guess i'm writing about this because i don't want to forget that. that even when you're too weak to lift your hands, too exhausted to speak, He knows. that even when you feel like you have nothing left, He provides. that even when you can't find the words to say, all you have to do is need Him. you don't need to pray for hours, or have some extravagant prayer.
it's like, all you have to do is look to Him, and He pulls exactly what you need from some magical reserve tank you never knew existed. and you manage to keep going, keep living, keep breathing. just like that.
it's kind of convenient, isn't it? convenient, and also completely incomprehensible.
You are my Shield, my Strength, my Portion, Deliverer
my Shelter, Strong Tower, my very present help in time of need.