“aslan,” said lucy. “you’re bigger.”
“that’s because you are older, little one,” answered he.
“not because you are?”
“i am not. but every year you grow, you will find me bigger.”
this feels like a pretty accurate summary of the past year.
every day, i wake up and i am a little bit older and i find him a little bit bigger, and i want more.
i recently read through the chronicles of narnia for the first time. i don’t know why nobody ever put them in front of me, but here i will be that person for you: go find copies at the library, order them from amazon, borrow a friend’s set, and read them.
they are full of these little nuggets.
that is what happens to those who pluck and eat fruits at the wrong time and in the wrong way. the fruit is good, but they loathe it ever after.
who said anything about safe? ‘course he isn’t safe. but he’s good. he’s the king, i tell you.
child, said the voice. i am telling you your story. i tell no one any story but his own.
to know what would have happened, child? no. nobody is ever told that.
but anyone can find out what will happen.
courage, dear heart.
take great care that it does not confuse your mind. and the signs which you have learned here will not look at all as you expect them to look, when you meet them there.
they will not let us help them. they have chosen cunning instead of belief. their prison is in their own minds, yet they are in that prison; and so afraid of being taken in that they cannot be taken out.
the stories are short and easy to read. they were written for children, after all.
but then, aren’t all children’s stories written for grown ups too? i think there's something to that.
i keep coming back to this: every year you grow, you will find me bigger.
at first, i copied the quote down wrong. i wrote, “every year you grow older.” when i realized my mistake, i realized how much more depth it has.
if “older” is included, the weight shifts from growth to age. as if your age is what determines your level of understanding of who god is. lucy is older, but she has grown.
it seems obvious, like your typical children's story. but what if you haven't been taking advantage of the years you've had? if you aren't finding, with every year, that god is bigger––because you know he is bigger. what if you've stopped digging, stopped searching, stopped pushing for more?
sometimes i think we forget god does not get bigger or deeper or wider the more we seek him. we aren’t pushing him to be more. he already is more. we push because we want more.
i can never fully know him, but i can’t just settle for what i already have. it’s not enough; i want more.