someday,sarah.

dreaming big.

[photo credit]

sometimes, when i think about moving to nashville, i take a deep breath and then i hold it. because, sometimes, i just get so overwhelmed with it all. the what if's break me down and i get scared. i start to doubt myself and my faith and i wonder if i'm making the right choice, or if i'm a fool for trying to mess with what's already an okay life.

and then i run across something like what you see in the photo above and it's like i can breathe again. because, oh yeah, dreams are supposed to scare you. if it was too easy, it wouldn't be worth it.

so the next time fear tries to pull me down, i will push that much harder. because i know i must be doing something right.

–– s

solid ground.

after dropping my classes mid-semester, i spent the next few months talking to a career counselor, who either thought i was insane or exactly like every other confused student she had ever talked to. either way, she was nice about it and did her best to help me out. she talked to me and told me little tricks to try to figure out what it was that i wanted to do. i couldn't explain it to her that it wasn't just about what i wanted to do. that's how i got myself into this mess in the first place. but then she asked me if i'd ever seen a movie or a tv show with a character who had a really awesome job that i would like to have and it all unfolded rather quickly after that.

you see, audrina from "the hills" worked at epic records, which is the label that the fray is signed to, and i wasn't exactly sure what she did, but i always wanted to know because it seemed like a cool job. so i googled and found out that she worked in the a&r (artists & repertoire) department, which is basically the part of a record label that chooses which bands to sign and whatnot.

BAM. that was it.

i told my career counselor about it and she got me this book with all these facts in it about what it takes to work in a&r and what kind of college majors are the most helpful when you want a career in the music industry. since i didn't go to the hartt school, i chose the next best major: communications.

step one, done. i could go back to school the following semester, which was something i kept reminding myself to have faith about because i didn't want to be one of those people who 'took a semester off' and never ended up going back. not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's not what i wanted for myself. i at least knew that much.

so i had a new major and a new direction to go in. that's the other thing about faith. it's amazing what God does for you when you take a huge leap for Him. He gives you solid ground to land on.

–– s

[this is me documenting my story & the things i've learned along the way in blog-form.]

let's talk about nashville.

a lot of times, i find myself having this conversation where i'm telling the other person about how i want to move to nashville. they never ask, but i always end up talking about it. probably because i want something more than what i have, something bigger. i'm a dreamer and i want to share that with people.

without fail, the other person always responds by asking me what's in nashville or why i want to move there. i usually reply by giving the short answer, for the sake of time and small talk. i want to go into artist management and i like the music scene in nashville. which easily translates into: i want to work in the music industry and nashville is music city.

the long answer involves a little less logic and a little more faith. and it's a story.

you see, i was a junior in college and i thought i knew what i wanted, finally. i thought i wanted to go to the university of hartford. i thought i wanted to be in their creative writing program. i thought i wanted to graduate with my bachelor's degree in english and then move to new york city or los angeles and have some fancy job. but three weeks in to my fall semester, i realized i had NO IDEA what i wanted. i was scared and upset and, most of all, miserable.

so i did the only thing i could do. i dropped my classes and tried this new thing called praying and actually waiting for God's direction. it was an entirely new concept to me, despite the fact that i grew up hearing all about how He has a plan for me. apparently, i took it upon myself to learn first hand what jeremiah 29:11 clearly states.

'for I know the plans i have for you,' declares the Lord. 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'

and so, what ended up happening was this really neat thing. i stopped wanting what i thought i wanted and started wanting what He wanted for me. suddenly (which is a term i use very loosely because, let me tell you, it was a PROCESS), i had this new dream that's perfect and everything i never knew i wanted.

it was amazing and, to be honest, quite shocking. especially the part about nashville. because, really? nashville? i wanted to live in new york! or la! and yet, when i was given three location options that are the best for a career in the music industry (new york, la, and nashville), i suddenly felt like i wanted to live in nashville. NASHVILLE.

i actually spent some time praying the "are You sure?" prayer because i wasnt totally convinced. it was a city i had never been to or even thought twice about. how could it be my future? of course, i never did get an answer. but then again, when does God ever need to say, of course I'm sure?

so i want to move to nashville. but it's not just my dream. it's His dream.

–– s

dream.

a few weeks ago, i decided to make a list of new year's resolutions for 2012. (because i'm a big fan of lists and i have a whole year, plus an extra day. why would i choose just one?) but, i'm not such a fan of calling them resolutions. it's why i'm so hesitant about even making this list. i feel like it's so typical for people to throw that term around like it's nothing, and by mid-january, their big plans are already forgotten about.

i thought about calling them my 'goals' for 2012. because having goals sounds motivating, doesn't it? but i don't like that either. calling them goals makes it sound so definite. like it's a yes or no thing, or something you can cross off a to-do list. mine aren't like that though. mine are more like... dreams.

yeah, that sounds better. dreams. the word just popped into my head and i think it fits perfectly. by definition, a dream is a "strongly desired goal or purpose." "something that fully satisfies a wish." "a state of mind marked by abstraction or release from reality." "something notable for its beauty, excellence, or enjoyable quality." i just love that.

and so, i have my one little word for 2012.

it's perfect. i'm not quite sure what i'm going to do with it yet, but i'm thinking it might be somewhat of a theme for my 2012, so i'm going with it.

–– s