august.

Technically, it's not autumn until September 22, which is practically October. But it's September. People are going back to school. Summer is over. And I am not as thrilled as most people are about pumpkin spice and warm sweaters. I like flip flops, okay. T-shirts. The day I have to wear multiple layers and a scarf for the sole purpose of keeping warm is going to be a sad day for me.

Fortunately, I now live in a state where winter doesn't last six months out of the year. That's what I'll keep reminding myself every time I put on closed-toed shoes.

Anyway. August. When it was still summer.

1. THE OLYMPICS. Oh my gosh, the Olympics. I faithfully watched (almost) every night and absolutely LOVED every minute of it. Although, I will say that I loved the swimming minutes more than anything else.

(Does anyone else feel like this was ages ago instead of just four weeks ago?)

2. Blue Like Jazz (the movie) was released on DVD. Which is not directly related to me or my life this month, but I totally and completely support this movie and it's message and I think it's worth mentioning again. I hear it's even available at Redbox, so do yourself a favor.

3. I had a lot of 'me' time. And a lot of One Tree Hill time. Because that's what happens when you're unemployed. You hang out by yourself and watch TV on Netflix that reminds you of the sweet days of high school.

4. I met some new people and joined a community group and a stretch group and all of that basically means I am trying make friends, okay.

5. I saw Steve Moakler. I mean I saw him play a show, on stage. Not like, I saw him walking down the street. Although that would've been cool too.

6. I got a job. At a restaurant called Watermark. Where one of the servers is from Connecticut. And also where the TV show Nashville will be filming regularly, if it gets picked up. Or so I've heard.

7. I started my internship. I'm working at an artist management company called Good Time Entertainment. No one there is from Connecticut. Or filming a TV show.

8. I saw Andy Davis. (And Bryce Merritt.) Also on stage.

9. I did not work out at all. (Unless you count the exercise I get by being a hostess.) (Do you burn calories by standing around for four hours?) I still haven't found the calendar either.

10. I read two books: Love Does and The Fault in Our Stars. Both, so good.

august reads.

Okay, about half way through this month, I finished reading my first book and I worried I might not get two in this month because I only had half a month to read another one. Um. When did I become this person who thinks half a month is not enough time to read one book? To be fair, I've been in this phase where I like reading non-fiction books, and those do take some time to read. (The last six books I read were all non-fiction. Whoa.) But I picked up a fiction book for my second read this month and was finished within 48 hours. Two books down and twelve days to spare.

Love Does by Bob Goff

I first heard about Bob Goff from reading A Million Miles (by Don Miller) and since then, I have heard his name pop up randomly. This guy has a lot of friends. After reading his book, I totally understand why. He is certainly a unique (and awesome) person. I think I would like to be friends with him.

When I found out he wrote a book, I knew I had to read it. Now that I've read his book, I think everyone should read it. It's so incredible and inspiring and it'll change the way you look at things. The world, your life, love. It's an easy read and I think it's totally worth it.

Especially with a subtitle like this: "Discover a Secretly Incredible Life in an Ordinary World." Um. Yes, please.

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

You guys, I finally read my first John Green book. Tumblr would be proud. I have seen countless references to books he's written on there and it was one of those things that I just had to know what everyone was talking about. (The same reason I read Twilight and The Hunger Games.) I have to say, I like this guy's writing style.

I chose The Fault in Our Stars because it's the newest and I've heard a lot of buzz about it recently, so why not start there? Also because I saw it in Barnes & Noble a couple months ago and decided not to spend the money on it, but I haven't stopped thinking about it since. It was only a matter of time.

It's technically a teenager book, but most days I still feel like I'm 18, so it makes sense that I loved it. I haven't really stopped thinking about it and I'm contemplating re-reading it again. Right now. It's one of those books.

this week.

I am really too tired to form actual paragraphs with this information, so here's what's new this week:

Erin McCarley's album, My Stadium Electric. And her single "Amber Waves" from the album is the free single of the week on iTunes.

Safetysuit's Hallelujah EP. Which features the 'wedding version' of "Never Stop."

Andrew Belle's remixed The Ladder album.

one little word: dream.

At the beginning of the year, I picked one little word for this year: dream. I didn't know what I was going to do with it, or if I would do anything with it. But I felt like out of all the years, this one would be the one for dreams. Back in May, when I was supposed to move but didn't, I thought maybe I picked the wrong word. "Hurt" felt more appropriate.

But I made it. I live in Nashville. And the only way I can describe it is to say that it feels like I'm living inside of a dream.

Sometimes I have these moments, like when I'm standing behind the host stand or when I'm packaging merch to send to the fan who submitted an order. I think about where I am and what I'm doing and it's overwhelming. Because I remember sitting in my college history class, daydreaming about what it would be like to live this life. I remember coming to visit and wondering what it would be like to not go back home. I remember trying (and failing) to imagine what it would be like.

And now I'm here. Every day, I wake up and live a life that is so unreal, so unbelievable. I don't even know how to describe it.

It's a dream.

music monday: bryce merritt.

Bryce Merritt. He's wearing a bow tie.

After work on Friday night, I went to this sweet place called 3rd & Lindsley to see Andy Davis play. 3rd & Lindsley is one of those Nashville places I've heard about countless times on Twitter, but I've never actually been able to go to a show there. Until now. Because I live here. And all I could think about was those times I'd hear about a Nashville show at a place like this and wish I could be there. It was such a neat thing to actually be there this time. (Because, you know, I live here.)

Andy was great, as usual. It's always fun to see someone like him perform live. But I think Bryce Merritt really stole the show. Mainly because he's a Belmont student and about 90% of the crowd was there to support him. (Literally, like half of them left once his set was over.) But also because he has an incredible talent.

One of the guys I'm interning with is Bryce's manager and he was telling me about him and about the show, so I was curious to see what he was like. Honestly, I was blown away. By his sound and by his performance. I thought it was all so good. I figured he would be, but I wasn't expecting to be that impressed.

You can find Bryce on YouTube or on iTunes or just by googling his name. The other thing is that he would want you to know he has a passion for Christ and a passion for music. In that order. And I think that may be the best part.

things.

It's been a long week. I don't know what to say. There are a lot of things I could talk about, but it's like. I need a minute to comprehend it all.

I started my job. And my internship. And I've basically gone from doing nothing to doing everything all at once. And there's no room to breathe in between.

But I did make it to the grocery store last night. So there's that. At least I can eat. Although, I'm not sure when there's room for that either. (Don't worry, mom. I'm just exaggerating.)

It just feels like a whirlwind of things happening and I'm mostly just trying to keep up. This weekend, I'm going to try to let things settle, and then maybe I'll tell you about it. Maybe not. But I am definitely going to work out a new blogging schedule, since I no longer have all day and all night to do whatever I want.

Okay.

and here's a few more.

I'm pretty sure I was ready for bed at like, 7:30 and now it's almost past midnight and I'm still awake. I need to work on that. But I checked out iTunes and found some more goodies!

Chris August has a new album, The Upside of Down, which features "Center of It," which was released as a single a few weeks ago. So good. He has a great voice and Christian music always puts me in a better mood.

The Script has a new single out, "Hall of Fame (feat. will.i.am)." I'm not sure how I feel about it yet, but I always somehow come around to liking their stuff. (Remember that time they were on The Hills, years before they became popular? That's what I always think about when I listen to them.)

Ellie Goulding has a new single as well, "Anything Could Happen." I wasn't originally a fan of hers, but it's kind of growing on me. I guess radio plays do help, even though it's annoying that everything is vastly overplayed.

Bonus find: Ryan Cabrera's new single, "I See Love." Surprisingly good?

short and sweet.

Or maybe just short. Because it's late and I'm tired. I forgot how inconvenient it is to, like, have a job. Things like blogging get pushed to the side and don't get attention until well past midnight and let's just say I'm going to hate myself when my alarm goes off tomorrow morning. Which, by the time this is posted, will have already happened.

Anyway, this week, Owl City released his new album, The Midsummer Station. The only song I've heard off it is "Good Time," which features Carly Rae Jepsen. And "Bombshell Blonde," which I just now previewed on iTunes. I figured I'd mention it since I'm a long time Adam Young fan, but honestly, I'm not sure if I'm sold on his newer music. Maybe my taste has changed, or maybe his music has changed. I'm not sure which. Maybe both.

Tenth Avenue North also released a new album, The Struggle. I haven't heard it yet, but all of their music is always so good, and so true. They release the type of albums I would buy without even previewing first.

A Rocket To The Moon released a new single called "Whole Lotta You." It's been a while, but I liked the album On Your Side a lot. And now there's this.

And everything else will have to wait until tomorrow. Good night. Or good morning. Or whatever.

and then i was employed.

Oh, my gosh. I have really gotten used to this whole not working thing. I mean, obviously I needed a job to give me something to do and, you know, money to pay the bills and whatnot. But I really enjoyed my free time to do whatever I wanted (while also on a limited budget) (meaning $0). And it's not that I'd rather not work, it's that I'd rather earn money by doing something that doesn't feel like work because I really enjoy it that much.

Take my mom for example. She works a lot, but she also loves what she does, and that makes it easier. I, on the other hand, do not love washing windows and cleaning elevator doors and explaining why we can't make reservations for the patio, even though you might think that's what "making a reservation" means.

Anyway, I worked for approximately four and a half hours and it was exhausting. There is so much standing and learning and being completely terrified about not knowing what I'm doing while also pretending like I know exactly what I'm doing. And I don't think you're allowed to pull the Sorry, I'm New card in a restaurant like that. I just feel like the people would look at me like, "You don't know what you're doing? How dare you act so human."

This is irrational, I know. But seriously.

In other news, it feels like the bottoms of my feet are bruised from all the standing. And I need to go grocery shopping, but with this job and my internship, I'm not really sure when I'll have time to go for a few days. Maybe I should've thought of that back when I was like, unemployed and doing "whatever I wanted" all day.

music monday: steve moakler / 08.18.2012

There is Steve Moakler. There, on the left.

This is the best picture I got. It's the only picture I got. It will have to do.

Here's what happened: I was scrolling through my News Feed and found this poster for an event going on in Nashville, where Steve Moakler would be playing a set. Now, it may be helpful for you to know, in order to understand my excitement level, that I recently looked at Steve Moakler's tour dates (because he is going on tour again, finally) and noticed that, on this tour, he will be playing a show in Boston but he will not be playing a show in Nashville. I'm not sure how that makes any sense, but I'm absolutely sure that it's totally unfair, given the fact that I JUST moved away and now he decides to tour the New England area? (Granted, he is the supporting act on this tour, but still.) How is that even fair?

It's really not, but the exciting part here is that I found this event that's going on IN NASHVILLE and he's playing and since I live here now, I could go. So I did. And it was glorious.

It may also be helpful for you to know that I have not been to a show since I've been here. Partly because it's only been a month and I needed some time to adjust. Partly because I haven't heard of any shows I wanted to go to. And partly because I am new here and have zero concert buddies at this point. But I went, by myself, to my very first Nashville thing. I'm not really sure you can call it a show, because it was really more like a fundraiser/benefit type thing. But there was music, Steve Moakler music, so I will be including it in my "concerts" category.

Anyway, his studio recorded versions of his songs are so good, but hearing them performed live just takes it to a whole other level. I could listen to him play all night. Seriously. I wish he'd play a headlining show in Nashville so I could do just that.

After he finished his set, I went over to say hi and we had a nice conversation about the last time I saw him (which he doesn't even remember – way to go, CT) and why I moved and when he'll be playing in Nashville again. We attempted to take a picture, but my camera wouldn't cooperate, so I said never mind and that I was just glad I got to see him play. He said he was glad too and I started to walk away, but then he said, "And hey, welcome to Nashville!" I said thanks and smiled because, to me, that still sounds like "welcome home."

what happens if i fail.

Before I decided not to move in May, I made a list. There were a lot of things that scared me about moving, but there were also a lot of things that scared me about staying. So I wrote it all out and tried to pick what I thought was the more difficult option. I was unsure of a lot of things, but I knew I didn't want to take the easy way out.

Now that I've made it here, my list of things that scare me has been mostly narrowed down to one thing: failure. I took a huge leap of faith in moving to Nashville, and if I fail, I'm going to fail huge. And the amount of pain it would cause might be unbearable. But then it occurred to me. Failing means I tried. It means twenty years from now, I will not wonder what if. It means I'd get to go home, where it's safe and comfortable and where dinner is prepared by someone other than me.

So, failing doesn't seem so bad. Failing actually seems like the easy way out. If I fail, at least I will know what to expect. But if I succeed, I will still be in the dark as to what happens next. This journey is incredible and hard and wonderful and scary and it kind of feels like I'm holding my breath, waiting to see what happens next.

If I fail, it will probably feel like I can breathe again.

If I succeed, I will just have to trust that Someone else will do the breathing for me.

cats are not dogs.

Obviously. But I used to live with a dog. And now I live with a cat. And it's quite an adjustment, especially since I am very much a dog person.

You see, I'm allergic to cats. So, other than the few years we owned one, I have spent most of my life tactfully avoiding them. So now that I live with one, I'm re-learning what it means to be allergic. Here's what it means: itching. Cats like to do that thing where they rub up against you and purr and be all cute and cuddly and if that happens against my bare skin (specifically, my neck), it itches like crazy. And if I touch my eye after touching the cat, it's all over.

Also, Cats do not respond to commands. So if they're on the counter while you're making a sandwich, you have to physically pick them up and put them on the floor. (Which, for someone who's allergic, means there's the extra step of washing your hands after you do that.) Unless you want to be heartless and just push them off with your elbow.

And then there's the part where there's nothing stopping them from jumping back up onto the counter.

The other thing is that I always knew what Bailey wanted just by the way he looked at me. Dogs like to go outside and play fetch and take walks. And cats like to ...? I have no idea what Frigger wants when he meows at me and intentionally walks under my feet, unless he wants to be stepped on. Although, I am learning that he is really a big neck cuddler, which is something. But that doesn't really work out for me. Unless I am wearing a turtleneck. (Which will never happen.) (Sorry, Friggs.)

singles.

Confession. Today is my dad's birthday and he is there and I am here and so I may or may not have downloaded some music this week. Let's just call it comfort music. And hope my interview today goes fantastically well.

If there's one thing you download this week, let it be "You And I" by Paper Route. Because, yes. This song is amazing. And the cover art is beautiful. And it's only a dollar. Like I said. YES. (Although this was not one of my comfort purchases this week because I actually already own this song via the NoiseTrade Summer Sampler.)

Something I did purchase this week is Taylor Swift's new single, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." When I saw that she had a new single and also an album (titled "Red," which drops October 22), I thought maybe this would be the point in her career where I stop being impressed by her. But who am I kidding. I have always loved T-Swift and I always will. I can't care what you say.

Although, let's be real. Her music is no longer "Country" and should not be labeled as such. I mean, have you heard the new song? It has POP written all over it and is border-line Carly Rae Jepson status.

Another purchase was "Surely (Feat. Ryan & Amy Masse)" by Faith Worship. This song is so, so good. And now on iTunes!

There's also "Stay Awhile" by Ryan Star and the Blood Brothers – Single by Ingrid Michaelson, which features (obviously) "Blood Brothers" and "Live It With Love." It also includes the video for "Blood Brothers," which I have previously posted.

In other news, Yellowcard still exists. They released Southern Air yesterday. And it reached #2 on iTunes. So there's also that.

welcome to crosspoint.

At church on Sunday, there was this "Discovering Crosspoint" thing I went to. (Crosspoint, the church I go to.) I didn't realize it was a class when I decided to go, but it turns out that's what it was. A class. For new people who wanted an introduction to the church and the staff and the vision and the whatever else. I went for the new people. Because, I have technically been an online member of the church since January, so I wasn't as interested in the information as I was in the other new people like me.

They started out by asking if people would volunteer to say what brought them to Crosspoint, and I raised my hand. (I know. I am still surprised about this.) But I figured, if I'm going to do this thing, I'm going to do it all the way. So I raised my hand and opened my mouth and I think the best way to describe what happened next is to say that some words just kind of fell out. Thankfully, they were strung along in sentences that sort of made sense, but he did have to ask me to speak up a bit. Which would be totally understandable if I wasn't holding a microphone up to my face. Apparently I was whispering. But I raised my hand, okay.

After it was over, they fed us snacks and told us to mingle. So I got out of my chair and introduced myself to these two girls who were walking in front of me. We had a great, awkward first conversation, exchanged numbers, and went our separate ways.

All in all, I'd say it was a success. And maybe a little bit exhausting. I learned a few things, met some new people, and spent a Sunday afternoon doing something other than watching old episodes of One Tree Hill on Netflix.

Yeah. Definitely a success.

music monday: hunter parrish.

Hunter Parrish. Have you heard of this guy? I haven't watched Weeds since I saw that one episode way back when it first came out, so I don't know who he is, other than the guy who sings this song. (Which I found on a random pop culture blog that I used to read daily.) Apparently, he is an actor-turned-singer. Or something like that.

I have watched his video three times. The first time, I was mainly watching because this guy is attractive and I liked looking at his face. The second time, I played it without actually watching it. I was writing a blog or something. I wanted to know if I'd like the song without being distracted by his face. The third time, I listened to it while reading the lyrics. My favorite.

I've decided I like the song and I like his voice. He released an EP called "Guessing Games" in June and it's currently sitting in my Wish List on iTunes for the day when I get a job and can buy new music. Or the day I decide it might be okay to spend the $5.94 that I don't have because I am tired of listening to only 1 minute and 30 seconds of each song.

"Sitting At Home" by Hunter Parrish

18 things i want.

Someone else posted a blog about this. I'm not sure where she got the idea, but she wondered if she could come up with 18 things that she wanted, on the spot, without really thinking about it. So she did.

And then I wondered if I could. Or, more like, what my list would look like. Of course I could list 18 things I want. Easily. But what would my list look like if I just started writing it without thinking about it?

1. a nail polish that stays fresh for as long as you want it to, without ever chipping.

2. to know how to cook delicious meals without having to go through the whole learning process.

3. to be physically fit.

4. a job.

5. for there to be a good, quality show on TV. (Why don't these exist anymore?)

6. a notebook with an infinite number of pages.

7. home.

8. a cup of hot chocolate.

9. to be able to fall asleep before 4 a.m. (Way before.)

10. a natural hair color that doesn't look ashy.

11. to travel.

12. to not be allergic to cats.

13. the ability to stop time.

14. to go to The Fray/Kelly Clarkson show in September.

15. for poisonous spiders to suddenly become extinct. (Or at least leave the Nashville area.)

16. a husband, to protect me from the poisonous spiders that may or may not find their way into my bed.

17. for there to be more swimming events at the Olympics. (It just occurred to me that I will have to wait four years before seeing them again, sans Michael Phelps. Which makes me wonder where I'll be in four years.)

18. to know what it was like in the Garden of Eden, before sin entered the world.

miscellaneous thoughts for your thursday.

1. NBC has been airing commercials NONSTOP for their new shows during the Olympics and I think at this point I am pretty much guaranteed to watch at least the pilot episodes. Although, by next week, I may be so annoyed by them that I will not watch any of them ever.

2. I saw on iTunes that you can now pre-order the new Mumford & Sons album, Babel. I wonder if everyone will be tweeting about it when it comes out just like they did for MONTHS about their last album. I never actually listened to most of the songs from their last album, but I sort of felt like I did.

3. I just wrote the title for this post and it gave me an idea.

4. BLUE LIKE JAZZ IS AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE AT ALL YOUR MAJOR RETAILERS. Yes, there's some intentional yelling here. One, because somehow this item made it all the way down to number four on my list, but it should be number one. And two, because you should go out and purchase it.

For more convincing, here's a little something I wrote about the movie after I saw it. (And here's what I wrote about the book after I read it, again.)

5. I just remembered that I was at Target today and I totally forgot all about the movie. Probably because I was too busy buying cleaning supplies. Nothing says "I'm a grown up" like buying your own toilet brush.

6. Sometimes I use Shazam to find out what song is playing during a commercial. Maybe they should make a TV Commercial Series for Now That's What I Call Music! Now That's What I Call Good Advertising. Because nothing says "BUY MY PRODUCT" like good background music.

7. I've been having lots of Skype dates with my family and I screen cap most of them because they're all I have. It's a weird thing when the only way to see your family is through a computer screen.

On a related note, I am SO glad this technology exists.

8. I've been posting a lot more to my Tumblr page. It's been a lot of Skype date recaps and Olympic reblogs.

9. Speaking of the Olympics. Can someone please explain to me how things like jumping on a trampoline or running and jumping over a stick are Olympic sports? I feel like they fall more into the category of, "Hey look at this cool thing I can do."

Also, watching any of the track events makes me feel guilty that I haven't gone running in probably a month.

10. See #4.

now that's what i call music!

You guys. These still exist. And by that I mean, Now That's What I Call Music! 43 was released yesterday. What.

I did some Googling (which, if you didn't Google anything yesterday, then you missed out on the Google doodle that allowed you to jump hurdles from your living room couch), and found out that Now That's What I Call Music! originated in the U.K. (as all good things do) and there are a number of other countries (including good old U.S.A.) that produced their own series. Here is the link to the Wikipedia page which lists them all, including links to their track lists.

Obviously, I'm talking about the U.S. series here, but I also want to clarify that I'm talking about the main series. Not the Christmas Series or the Country Series or the DVD Series or the Latino Series or the Special Edition Series. Because, yes, those also exist.

The first Now That's What I Call Music! was released on October 27, 1998. (The day before my 9th birthday.) And it featured the following track list:

And, 42 compilations later, here is 43's track list:

Let's all just take a minute to appreciate all of the quality music listed here.

here is something for today.

I did a lot of writing this past weekend. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I have nothing else to do and no one to talk to (besides Frigger, my roommates' cat) and the only obvious solution is to write about it.  (My future self is going to really enjoy reading about all the insignificant details of my life after I moved away.) Anyway, all of a sudden it was Sunday night and it hit me that out of all the writing I did, none of it was for the blog. So I did what any good blogger would do and sat down and drafted a post for Monday, and then continued on with my One Tree Hill marathon. (I'm on season 6, by the way, which I think is the last season I watched when it aired on TV.)

And now here it is, close to 6 o'clock (or, for the three people who actually read this blog, close to 7 o'clock) on Tuesday night and I still have no words for the blog. You see, there's just not a lot going on right now because I don't have a job and my internship hasn't started yet, so all of my creative energy goes into trying to figure out what to do with myself all day so that when my parents call me and ask what I've done all day, I can say something other than, "Watch TV." After that, there's just not a lot of motivation left to figure out what I'm supposed to write about.

For the record, I have things I could do to fill my free time, but most of the things I need to do them are packed in a box in storage in Connecticut because there wasn't enough room in my car to bring them. So I just have my computer and my notebook and maybe a couple of other books. And Frigger.

music monday: project itunes.

I had way too much music in my iTunes library. I used to not think that was possible. The more music, the better. Right? Well it's more like, the more music, the more overwhelming. I didn't even know what I had in there, and quite honestly, I was scared to look. It's like that closet you just throw everything in, thinking you'll someday get around to organizing it all. There are probably some pretty rad things hidden in there, but finding them is such a process. A day-long event.

Saturday was that day. I sat down, pushed play, and hit "delete" a couple hundred times. I needed to get rid of the clutter. I started with anything that wasn't a part of an album and any song I didn't think was great after a ten-second sampler, I got rid of. Which sounds harsh and you might be thinking, "If you gave the whole song a listen, you might actually like it." But that would've taken days. So yes, maybe I would have liked that one song after a few listens, but let's face it. That song would never have gotten that kind of airtime. I just needed to know which songs were worth listening to all the way through.

These songs, the ones that did make the cut, were all put into a playlist (appropriately named, listen to this) so that I could go through and actually listen to them, all the way through–maybe even multiple times, before I decide whether I really want to keep them. (This is also helpful because once I'm done weeding it out, I will have an awesome playlist of good songs I haven't listened to enough.)

This is the point I'm at right now. I currently have 80 songs in the listen to this playlist. Of those 80, there are 20 songs I have already decided to keep. Which means I have 60 more to go before I move onto the next phase of "project iTunes." This phase includes sorting through my albums. Because I may have an entire discography from a certain musician, but that doesn't mean I've ever actually listened to any of it before. There's always the chance I downloaded it for free from NoiseTrade and forgot all about it.

When I'm finished, I will probably have deleted over 1,000 songs from my iTunes library. And it's going to feel good. And also clean.

why i moved to nashville. (and how i'm surviving it.)

Two and a half years ago, I sat in the office of a career counselor and I told her I decided that I wanted to work in music. She smiled at me, probably thinking about how meetings like that are why she likes coming to work every day. So she pulled out this book that gives details of specific jobs. Work descriptions, estimated salaries, that kind of thing. She pointed to the page where it said that music industry jobs are located in New York City, Los Angeles, and Nashville.

That was the day I knew. God had given me this dream and I wanted to live it out.

Two and a half years later, I am sitting in my house in Nashville and it feels like I can't breathe. It hits me all over again, what I'm doing and how incredible (and incredibly hard) it is. I'm overwhelmed by it all, and the fact that I don't think I'm quite strong enough for this. I have made it this far and, while I have promised myself that I will stay at least as long as it takes to give it a chance, I doubt whether I can even do it.

In these moments, I pray because I know that He is my anchor, and He reminds me that it's not about my strength. It's not about how I feel or what I want. It's not about whether I think I am good enough or capable enough. It's not about me at all. This dream, this situation, this life. It's all His.

So whenever I feel tired or uncomfortable or scared or sad or weak, I try to remember that it's not mine.

some thoughts on the olympics.

Even though I just moved to a new city and there are a number of things I could be doing, I mostly like staying home and watching Olympics coverage all night. I'm obsessed. So I thought I'd take a minute to document some of the miscellaneous thoughts I've had while watching. For photos, you can follow my London Olympics 2012 tag on Tumblr.

1. First of all, while there are many advantages to social media, the one HUGE disadvantage is the SPOILERS. By the time I sit down to watch the replay of events in the evening, I already know the outcome of 90% of what I'm watching, which just takes half the fun away.

2. Ryan Lochte. Ryan Lochte. Ryan Lochte. Yes, please. And those eye crinkles? I die.

3. Remember that time Ryan Lochte got gold in the 400 IM? And Michael Phelps didn't even get a medal?

4. I feel the need to clarify that it's not that I don't still love Michael Phelps, or that I don't think he's still amazingly talented. (Because he obviously is.) It's just that I don't think his heart is fully in it anymore.

5. I am just absolutely fascinated by synchronized diving. How do two people flip themselves around in the air and do it at exactly the same time? Unreal.

6. I get really excited (and emotional) when Team USA gets a medal. Like when Abby Johnston and Kelci Bryant got silver. And when Dana Vollmer got gold AND set a new world record. And when The Fab Five got gold. And when these boys got gold and Michael Phelps got his 19th Olympic medal, making him the most decorated Olympian in history. And when Nathan Adrian got gold by .01 seconds.

7. Misty May and Kerri Walsh are obviously the best beach volleyball players on the planet. And they do it while playing in small underwear/bathing suit bottoms/whatever they are called.

8. This video.

9. Poor Jordyn Wieber. And the cameras just kept following her around. Brutal. I don't know how she mustered up the strength to do that interview afterwords.

10. Remember that time four years ago when Team USA won the men's 400m free relay? That was a really awesome moment. This year? Not so much.

11. I know these people are used to it because it's their life, but I wonder what it must be like to be essentially naked in front of the whole world.

gift cards are welcome.

I'm really having a hard time with this whole not having a job thing, because that roughly translates into not being able to purchase any new music. At all. Which is an issue for me. Especially this week, when there are things I just feel the need to own. Like, now.

For starters, Mat Kearney released an iTunes Session, which is a fantastic, 7-track live EP that is just so good. I'm about to fork over the $6.99 that I don't have just so that I can listen to the whole thing all the way through. The short iTunes previews just aren't cutting it for me.

Joshua Radin released an album called Underwater, which includes bonus tracks for just $9.99. Such a good deal! The thing about his music is that most of it sounds the same, but I just love his voice and could listen to it all day.

Amy Stroup, one half of Sugar & The Hi Lows, released a new single called, "Free Of Me." It's definitely worth a listen. And a purchase. And it's only $.99, just like the good old days on iTunes.

I think there may have been more, but looking at my Wish List is making me sad and I think it's time to go back to obsessing over all things Olympics.

P.S. It's AUGUST. When did that happen?