january.

1. i started a new year and a new blog and this new thing where i make sure i write something down at least once a day in an attempt to better document things that happen and such. (which has been extremely helpful in constructing this list because some of the things that happened just a few weeks ago seem like they happened a few months ago. what.)

2. i decided to quit my job in may. i second guess this decision every day and every day i end up where i started: i'm quitting.

3. i tried nutella and found out that i LOVE it. and then i wrote an entire blog post about it.

4. i saw matt nathanson for the first time. and probably the last time.

5. this happened.

6. i said hello again to someone, and i said goodbye to someone. i don't really care to dish out many details about these particular happenings, but i figured i'd throw it in the mix because they take up quite a few pages in my un-published journal.

7. i went bowling. which is something i haven't done in, oh, 12 years? it turns out, i'm not as amazing in real-life bowling as i am in wii bowling. we played three games and i'm pretty sure that if you add my three scores together, the total would equal a decent score for one game. BUT good times were had and i did get a strike, so it was all worth it.

8. i went to hillsong/nyc for the first time. and i say "for the first time," not because i enjoy quoting lyrics from the script, but because there will be a second time. and a third, fourth, twelfth, you know. i absolutely LOVED it.

9. i went on the treadmill this many times. #pathetic

10. i read two books: extremely loud & incredibly close, by jonathan safran foer and a million miles in a thousand years, by donald miller. and i will be posting more about these good reads in the near future. which may or may not be thursday.

–– s

the leap of faith.

so i was an english major, with a creative writing emphasis, at the university of hartford. that's what i decided made the most sense, and that's what i decided to go for. God seemed to be pretty silent during the decision process, so i took that to mean i was doing okay on my own.

and then there was this one tuesday night, about three weeks into the semester, where everything came crashing down. i absolutely hated my classes, especially the english ones, and trying to deny it was causing me to be completely miserable. it was exhausting.

i remember sitting on my bed and thinking God had finally spoken up and that He was giving me a loud and clear "NO." i remember the tears and how they wouldn't stop coming and the more i thought about it, the harder i cried. i remember knowing exactly what i had to do and wondering how i was going to have the strength to actually do it.

the next day, i went to my advisor and asked what i would have to do if, say, i wanted to drop all of my classes and take the rest of the semester off. the words rushed out of my mouth so fast, i had to repeat them a second time. he just kind of looked at me for a minute before asking if i was serious and why i would want to do that. he didn't understand, which is kind of ironic considering that he's an advisor and all, but he brought me to a nice lady who did.

this lady helped me fill out the paperwork they needed and explained to me how the process was going to work. the whole time she was talking to me, i felt like i couldn't breathe and like i was going to cry at any second. i couldn't believe this was me. how did i get this far? how did i suddenly become one of those people who takes a semester off to figure out what they wanted? how did i think i could do this on my own?

i signed the papers that made it official and then i went home and cried for the rest of the afternoon. i knew without a doubt that i had made the right decision, but it was also the hardest one i have ever had to make. it was a huge leap of faith and i was still unsure of what kind of ground i would land on.

that's the thing about having faith. you do things that you're totally sure about that aren't totally logical. you take a step, but you're not sure if there is going to be ground beneath your feet when you set your foot down. but you do it anyway because you know, without knowing why, that it's going to work out.

–– s

[this is me documenting my story & the things i've learned along the way in blog-form.]

poison & wine.

this song. this video. these two. i cannot get enough of it.

poison & wine, by the civil wars.

–– s

a few things. (plus more new music!)

1. it occurred to me earlier that i write my posts in advance. usually, it ends up being the night before. but i realized i sometimes mess up the days and say "today" when i'm referring to the day i wrote it, which is actually yesterday by the time it gets posted.

2. i mentioned that first-and-last-letter study in this post the other day, and i just thought it was a little bit of a coincidence that my vitamin water had this description on it:

3. now for the exciting news: yesterday (wednesday), green river ordinance released a NEW SINGLE (for FREE) and a music video for it on greenriverordinance.com. their new album drops on february 28 and i didn't know they were releasing a single beforehand, but i'm certainly not complaining! i'm in love with it. i keep listening to it on repeat and getting super excited for the album and their tour and oh my gosh!

4. that's all. three things isn't really enough to make a complete list with, but i don't feel like writing paragraphs and transitions and all that. so just go download "heart of me" for FREE and listen to it on repeat and share it with your friends.

–– s

a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

oh my gosh. this week's music selection definitely makes up for last week. so much so that i literally haven't had time to listen to it all, which i am so excited about because i haven't had anything new to listen to for a few weeks and now i have lots.

okay, so here we go.

dave barnes –– mine to love (single)
um, who knew he had a new single coming out TODAY? because i sure didn't, until i got his email informing me that, not only did he have a single drop today, but he's also going on tour for a couple months because his new album is being released on march 13! i don't feel like i need to say it, but i will. this song is great and i am already in love with it after a total of two whole listens. #notsurprised
by the way, did you know dave has been nominated for a GRAMMY for best country song blake shelton's version of "God gave me you"? so well deserved. and i hope he wins.
/ itunes

ingrid michaelson –– human again
i've always enjoyed her music, but i've never actually taken the plunge and bought any of her albums. i think i have purchased maybe one or two songs. the rest of my collection comes from various playlists i've downloaded from other people on the internet, which i know is questionable in terms of illegal downloads, but i read this amazing quote the other day that makes me feel less guilty about it. ANYWAY, i listened to approximately three seconds of the first song on this album and decided i should just go ahead and buy it, which was actually pretty risky because it's over $10 and anything over $10 has to be really worth it. but, let me assure you, it is totally worth the whole extra dollar i paid for it.
favorite tracks: "fire" & "this is war" / itunes

kari jobe –– where i find you
i'm pretty sure i've heard her name before, but i'm going to be honest here and say that the reason i found myself on her album page was because i liked her cover art, so i clicked on it. pretty art? yes. christian music? yes. a track featuring matt maher? yes. enough said. (but really, it's pretty great for a random find on itunes.)
favorite tracks: "steady my heart" & "we are" / itunes 

AND i have also downloaded bits and pieces of things from noisetrade, which i am not going to list out, but i will tell you what's on there that's totally worth trading your email and zip code for. madi diaz, alyssa sease, evan wickham, sugar & the hi lows, michael shoup (who i found because he follows me on tumblr) jenny & tyler, katelyn tarver. of course, there's a TON more on there, like the civil wars and paper route and ben rector to name a few, but i have aready downloaded this stuff so it's not as fresh on my mind. you'll just have to search for those goodies on your own.

and with that, i'm going to bed.

–– s

matt nathanson / 01.20.2012

a few years ago, a friend of mine picked up matt nathanson's some mad hope album at the library because she liked the picture on the cover. she also liked what she heard and she spread it around. and that's when my love for matt nathanson began.

now, a few years and another album later, i still love his music and his voice and may also be mildly obsessed with his new album, modern love. the title track is a gem, but then again, so are the rest of them.

about a month or so ago, i was on his twitter page and clicked the link to his website. i couldn't tell you wy, but i liked what i saw: a list of tour dates that included a FREE show at mohegan sun. i immediately texted leah, who is my go-to girl when it comes to all things concert-related, and asked if she happened to be a fan of his because he was coming to connecticut and i was dying to go.

so, on friday night, leah and her friend sarah e. and i headed out to mohegan to see him play. what we found when we got there was not at all what any of us were expecting. if i had any sort of computer/design skills, i'd create a diagram to show you how awkward the setup was for this show. since i don't, you're just going to take my word for it and try to imagine it for yourself, using the poor description i'm about to provde here.

basically, the wolf den is a circular tented aread in the middle of the casino that consists of the stage and a number of tables and chairs. the whole thing is blocked off so that you can only get in if they let you in and, unfortunately, i was not one of the lucky guests who made it into the reserved seating inside the actual "den." i was standing on the outer edge, next to these fake wolves that move their fake heads and fake tails and fake howl every so often.

from what i could tell, the actual fans who were there to see matt were all on the outer edge and only a select few fans were on the inside. the rest of the people on the inside were just sitting there, drinking beer from glasses that had a flashing rainbow strobe light attached to the bottom. it was awkward, and matt even made a few comments about how weird it was.

the actual show was ...interesting. i follow him on twitter, i've read his blog, i have obviously listened to his music, so i had a general idea of how he might be on stage, but he still managed to surprise me with some of the things he came out with. there was a lot of "oh my gosh, i can't believe he just said/did that!" kind of reactions. i'm not going to give specifics, but at one point, he actually said, "it's 21+ so i can say stuff like that."

a friend of mine, who is not the one who introduced me to his music, said she's seen videos of him and that that type of behavior is pretty standard for him, but it's usually toned down a bit because not all venues are 21+.

aside from that, it was pretty great to see him live. his voice is amazing and it sounds that amazing in real life too. (although, in my professional opinion, i think his mic should've been up a little higher. but then again, it could've just been the bad acoustics from where i was standing outside of the wolf den.) i just kept thinking about how much i like live music because you can see what musicians look like when they're playing. you can see the passion in their face and the way they dance (or if they dance at all) and when someone in the crowd does something funny, you can hear the laugh mixed in with the lyrics and that's just not something you can find on a recorded track. it was the first time i saw matt live, so i just really enjoyed it, even though i wish i didn't hear some of the things he said.

after the show was over, leah and sarah and i headed straight for the door because the smell of the smoke was overwhelming. unfortunately, we were there long enough for our jackets and clothes and hair to get completely saturated, so we were smelling it all night long, no matter where we went. which was wendy's and the gas station and leah's apartment.

all in all, it was an interesting experience. one that we might have again in march when he comes back to new england to play in northampton. but the jury's still out on that decision.

–– s

p.s. i am so FULL of words today.

write? wrong.

creative writing felt like my only option. but the thing is, it also felt like it totally made sense. i mean, i love to write. for as long as i can remember, even before i knew how to spell or form proper sentences, i have been writing in diaries and journals. i have filled countless pages with my thoughts and stories and things i would never say out loud. even as much as i hated having homework, i always enjoyed writing essays. math was my easy subject, but english was my fun subject. so it made sense that i would end up going in that direction, right?

when it came down to it, i decided that being an english major, with a creative writing emphasis, made the most sense. the next step was finding a school that had the kind of program i was looking for, and that's how i ended up at the university of hartford. it had the program i wanted, an easy application process that didn't require an essay, it was close enough to commute to, and it was also the school T graduated from.

of course, i continued to pray during this whole decision process with prayers that included different variations of me telling God was the plan was and then asking if i was right. "if this isn't what i'm meant to be doing," i'd say, "then tell me what you want me to do instead. but if you don't, then i'll take that to mean that i am right."

still, i heard nothing, so i took that to mean i was right. but, oh my gosh, i couldn't have been more wrong and i was in for quite a shock.

but here's the lesson i learned from all of this: God does not passively sit back and watch us make decisions and then say yes or no to what we think is right. He is active and He has a plan and that plan does not come from our own imagination, but from His. so how could we possibly be able to make that decision on our own?

–– s

[this is me documenting my story & the things i've learned along the way in blog-form.]

TGIF.

i'm struggling for material here. can you tell? i mean, i wrote about nutella yesterday. a whole post. about nutella. don't get me wrong, it's incredibly delicious and i am mildly obsessed with it, but is it really worthy of an entire post? i'm not so sure. it's just that nothing's been going on and this week has been particularly terrible and i'm behind on adequate sleep.

but i'm determined to keep it going because i want to post every (week) day this year, even if it's terrible and i end up talking about nothing but nutella. it's just a little goal of mine and i think it'll be a fun (or torturous) learning experience. at the end of it, i might decide that it was awful and i will stick with only posting when i have something significant to say. or i might decide that it was worth it because i got into the habit of planning out posts in advance so i don't end up staring at the blinking curser on an empty page.

either way, it's only january. and it's too soon to have it all figured out, and too soon to quit.

–– s

new-tell-uh.

a few days ago, i bought a jar of nutella.

this sounds pretty insignificant until you hear the part about how, up until i bought this particular jar, i had never tasted it before. i know, i know! but, let me just say that i asked my mom one time why we never had nutella growing up and this was her response: "what's nutella?"

so i blame it on her.

anyway, i finally went out and bought some and brought it to T's and josh and i were going back and forth, trying to figure out what i should eat with it so i could have a good first experience tasting it, but t doesn't keep bread or crackers or pretzels around, apparently. just apples. which i am allergic to.

fortunately, i was making pancakes for dinner. otherwise i probably would've broken down and just stuck my finger in the jar and had a lick.

it turns out that nutella tastes just like a ferrero rocher chocolate, which i've had many times before. and yesterday, while i spent practically the entire day snacking on random food items i found that i could dip in it, i realized that on the jar, under the "n" in nutella, it says "ferrero."

ohhhhh. that makes sense.

also, while all of the nutella/pancake excitement was going on, josh made a comment about how he thought it was funny that i pronounced it new-tell-uh. because it's obviously pronounced nuh-tella. but if you look at the nutella website, it clearly states that it is, in fact, pronounced NEW-tell-uh. so i was right!

anyway, the point of my story is that i'm currently in love with nutella and i have been keeping it in my purse so that i can bring it to and from work so that i have it at all times, in case i want to dip whatever i'm eating into it.

is that a little too much? i think i might've been better off before, when i didn't know what it tasted like.

–– s

no music wednesday.

1. there is nothing particularly appealing to me on the 'just added' list on itunes this week.

2. the free songs weren't anything special either.

3. but i did subscribe to the cross point church podcasts. it will probably be my home church when i move to nash, so i thought i could listen and close my eyes and pretend i live there already. at least on sundays, anyway.

4. my current playlist includes new music i've already posted about, so i can't use that for material either.

5. so i'm going to skip the music for this week and post some links and call it a night. okay?

some thoughts on "how to talk to little girls" –– i think big mama originally linked to this post because she thought it was a good read for parents with little girls, but i think it's a good read for anyone who interacts with girls.

10 myths about introverts –– to quote the actual post, "after [reading] each bullet, i felt like standing up and shouting "YESSSSSSSSS!" at the top of my lungs because these points (made by author marti laney, psy.d.) are total home runs." basically.

the beautiful reason God might not be talking to you right now –– jon acuff's serious wednesday posts are "total home runs" every week.

–– s

God doesn't send text messages.

i graduated high school in 2007 and spent two years at mcc (community college) to try to figure out what i wanted to do and save a little money in the process. which, by the way, was the best decision i could've made because college is EXPENSIVE, especially if you're going and don't even know what you're going for.

i was a general studies major, which basically meant that i was only required to take a handful of courses and the rest were electives. i took 2d design, digital photography, film, poetry, spanish. what ended up happening was that i found out a lot of things i didn't want to do. which is good in terms of progress, but i wanted the end result. i wanted to know what i did want to do.

eventually, i had to start thinking about college beyond my two years at mcc and i got panicky. i still had no answers, but i had a lot of decisions to make. which school should i go to? what should i major in? how do i even decide? it felt like i had so many options laid out in front of me, but my fear of choosing the wrong one was crippling.

up until this point, i had only casually prayed about my future. i felt like i had all the time in the world to figure it out and i wasn't too worried about it. until i was. and then i started praying serious, let's-get-down-to-business prayers, which went something like this: "okay, God. we're down to the wire now. i need to know what You want me to do. i'll do anything, You just gotta tell me what it is. and don't be subtle about it. okay?"

and then i'd rush off to class or work or whatever else i had going on, as if God would take my prayer to heart and respond in some convenient way, like sending me a text message or something. i know, it sounds ridiculous, but it's not like i waited around long enough to listen for a response. plus, i did tell Him to not be subtle about it, right?

naturally, i mistook His silence as a green light to make the decision myself. and that's how i became a creative writing major at the university of hartford. which would've been okay if creative writing was actually what i was meant to study, but it wasn't.

so here's the lesson: when you pray and ask God for direction, take some time to listen for His answer. because it's not going to come in the form of a text message. and be patient, because it might not come right away. sometimes you have to wait for it.

–– s

[this is me documenting my story & the things i've learned along the way in blog-form.]

my story.

everyone has a story. it could be adventurous or sad or tragic or incredible or happy or a million other things. some people might feel like they are only waiting for theirs to begin, but that doesn't mean they don't have one. everyone has one, whether you realize it or not. whether you're doing something good with it or not.

the other day, i was thinking back to various things i've been through and certain choices i've made. i tend to do this as i dwell on the things i regret and try to imagine what my life would be like if i had made different choices. it's like i'm trying to put the pieces of my life together like a puzzle and so see what the picture would look like if i switched out one or two pieces. how much of a difference would it have made?

i drive myself crazy thinking about it sometimes. in the end, i know that His plan for my life is far greater than anything i can comprehend. even with the bad choices i've made in the past, or the bad choices i will make in the future, i know that there is nothing i can do to mess up thst plan. i might take the long way around, but i will make it. i'll just have a lot of lessons learned along the way. i already have a few stacked up.

and then, as i was thinking about this and writing about it in my journal, it occurred to me that that's my story.

and, since i like to write, since this is my blog, i'm going to post it. my story and the lessons i've learned along the way.

–– s

[click here to see all my posts relating to my story.]

stop doing it.

the other night, i was hanging out with some friends and i got chatting with this girl abbie, who i know but don't know well. we were having a conversation i expected to be some variation of this one, but she said something that changed the course of our conversation. something i haven't stopped thinking about since she said it.

after i told her what i did for work, she asked me if i like it, which is a relatively common question. i gave my common answer: no, not really. but before i could launch into my mini speech about wanting to live in nashville, she looked up at me and said, "then stop doing it."

it wasn't a suggestion. it wasn't a question. it was a statement. almost like a command. it was bold and it completely caught me off guard. one, because i have had that conversation countless times with a number of different people and never once has anyone ever responded to me saying i didn't like my job by telling me to stop doing it. and two, because she's totally right.

i grew up being unsure of what kind of career i wanted, but the one thing i was sure of was that, whatever my job ended up being, i was going to love it. i was determined not to be one of those people who gets up every morning and goes to a job they hate. somehow, i turned into one of them and i have justified it by saying that my job has the best pay, the best hours, the best benefits, and the best boss for my current situation. and this girl, who i have seen only a handful of times in my life, completely shattered my logic by pointing out the one thing that matters.

if you don't like what you're doing, then stop doing it.

fortunately, i have reached the point where i will (most likely) be able to stop in a few short months. but i decided that even if my tentative plans to move do not work out, i'm still going to quit. because i cannot keep doing what i'm doing. it's tiring. it's draining. it's wearing me down.

so i'm going to stop doing it.

–– s

the missing w.

so i started watching downton abbey last night and found out that it is, in fact, not called downtown abbey as i had originally thought. it's kind of like that study that was done at cambridge that showed that even though letters may not be in the correct order in a word, we can stil read it as long as the first and last letter are in the right place. my mind just automatically translated "downton" into "downtown." and i would've swore on my life that there was a second "w." but, you know, there isn't.

anyway, i'm hooked. i wouldn't necessarily put it in the i'm-in-love-with-it category yet, but the college student inside me does want to stay up all night tonight watching it like i did that time i got hooked on watching lost. i watched five seasons in about two months.

but i no longer fit that description so i can no longer do irresponsible things like that.

mainly because it's not even 11 p.m. right now and i can't even keep my eyes open. this is my life.

–– s

"there's nothing more to life than love, is there?"

i want to hurry up and write this post so i can go read extremely loud & incredibly close because it's the first time i'm reading it (i have a feeling there will be a second and a third and a twenty-eighth) and i'm in love with it and i also want to find out what happens. i'm also extremely curious to see how they made it into movie.

this is my life.

in other news, i went running on the treadmill again yesterday and i was three minutes in when i remembered you're supposed to run on the balls of your feet and not your heels, which i know but always forget when i'm actually, you know, running. so i tried it out and it turns out i really like it.

i asked my brother, who has been going to the gym practically every day for the past month, if he runs on the balls of his feet and he was all, "of course" like i'm weird for naturally wanting to run on my heels. what is that about? i can't be the only person who has to learn how to run differently.

anyway, so much for keeping this short and sweet. here are my music purchases for the week:

snow patrol –– fallen empires
i didn't realize they had an album coming out when i bought "new york" last week. i didn't realize they even had a new single until last week when i finally caught up with what's been going on on itunes. but, here it is. it's not my favorite album by them, but there are a few songs i cannot get enough of.
favorite tracks: "this isn't everything you are" & "in the end" (which includes lyrics i have quoted in the title) / itunes

train –– drive by (single)
i heard the last 30 seconds of this song on the radio the other day, and then i went on that station's website to find out the title/artist, and then i went on itunes yesterday and saw that it was just released. so there you go. it's fun, it's catchy, and the lyrics to it crack me up. "just a shy guy looking for a two-ply hefty bag to hold my love." umm, really? it's crazy, the kinds of lyrics songs can get away with.
/ itunes

aaaand that's all, folks.

–– s

top 10 things you need to know.

1. i actually just graduated this past may.

2. i went to the university of hartford.

3. i majored in communications.

4. i work for my mom. she has her own business, so i help her out with that.

5. she does bookkeeping/accounting for small businesses.

6. i'm actually just trying to save because i want to move.

7. i want to live in nashville.

8. i want to be a band manager and i want to do it in nashville.

9. i don't have a moving date yet. i'm still just trying to save.

10. if it was up to me, i'd move tomorrow.

after meeting some new friends last week at crew (which is what my youth group calls small groups), i realized that this is typically what my half of the conversation sounds like when i meet new people. it starts with them asking if i'm still in school and ends with them saying something like, "oh, that's really cool" in a tone that suggests they did not expect the conversation to take such a turn. after all, small talk doesn't generally dip into the hopes-and-dreams bucket of deeper conversations.

i also realized that i did not just graduate, even though it feels like it. this past may was eight months ago. EIGHT. and there is another may coming up rather soon that promises to deliver a whole new slew of graduates, which will make my days of saying "i just graduated" over.

although, i do look forward to the day where i can simply say "no, i'm actually working as a [insert some awesome variation of my dream job here]" and keep small talk conversation topics where they belong.

certainly, i will not miss this in-between phase. there just seem to be a lot of questions i don't really want to answer because i don't quite know how without launching into my entire life story. (by the way, that post is the edited and re-edited and edited again 'short' version.)

in the mean time, i think will just refer to this page on my blog whenever someone asks me if i'm still in school. it would be much easier and not awkward at all.

–– s

p.s. it is awkward that i posted two top 10's in a row, but i'm choosing to ignore this fact.

top 10 things you want to know about my weekend.

1. friday night consisted of dinner and a movie at home with my parents and val. we laughed a lot and it was a good time.

2. morning glory was our movie of choice. i thought it was really good, but i couldn't help but think that the book version would be better. i don't think there is a book version though. is there?

3. saturday morning, i spent some quality time on the treadmill. it's embarassing how out of shape i am. i think when i get to the point where i can walk upstairs without feeling winded, then i will blog about my exercise routines. until then, don't judge me.

4. my dad and i hung out for most of the afternoon doing things like shopping at target, discussing my move to nashville, eating at red robin, deciding now would be the best time for me to get a new car, and then actually looking at cars. (and by new, i mean new to me. not new to this year.) it was kind of a spontaneous dad date and so much fun.

5. saturday night was looking like another night in with my parents and extremely loud & incredibly close, which i have been wanting to read for a while now. i decided i should probably get on that since the movie's coming out in eleven days and i plan on seeing it.

6. i ended up at starbucks with leah and abby and we managed to be out of there before they closed. (shocking!) leah needed food, so we decided to move our little party to the wendy's parking lot. LOTS of laughing that night.

7. sunday morning = church. it was so nice to go back after missing two weeks for Christmas and new year's. another reason why holidays on the weekend are a bad idea.

8. sunday afternoon = taking down the Christmas tree and other festive decor. not so fun, but i enjoyed eating the leftover candy canes.

9. also, more reading.

10. sunday night = merge. (merge = what my church calls youth group, which includes youth from ages 12 to 24.) and then a bunch of people went out to eat after and i was considering not going because large groups of people make me anxious, but i went anyway. situations like that are never as overwhelming as i imagine them to be and it turned out to be a lot of fun. so that was a great way to end my weekend.

yeah. i will probably get into the habit of posting top 10 lists to talk about my weekends, unless i have a particularly uneventful weekend and i have the time to write actual paragraphs with transitions and everything.

i hope i post a lot of top 10's.

–– s

it's like i'm on a train to new york.

back in october, t and i went to new york city on a tuesday night to see the fray. i scored tickets to this private show and there was just no way i could turn that opportunity down. we had a blast and it was such an adventure and you can read more about that here. but what i want to talk about is the train ride.

you see, T spent most of our time on the train worrying about things. how do we know which train it is? how will we know when it's our stop? is grand central the last stop? should we ask someone? and how will we get a cab once we get there? obviously, she didn't come out with these questions all at once, without even pausing to take a breath. it was more like, occasionally throughout the train ride, when our chatter and excitement settled down a bit, her worry must have filled the empty spaces and caused her to wonder out loud.

at the time, i thought it was the funniest, oddest thing. my sister, who is four years older than i am and who is known for speaking for me, was completely relying on my knowledge of something that i wasn't totally sure of either. but i knew how to play the role and keep the worry away. you just go and have faith that it'll all work out like it's supposed to.

but sometimes, i feel like i am T, on that train ride to new york, and asking "how will i know?" but for me, it's not just an adventurous, one-night trip to new york city. it's years of my life in a city where no one knows my name and i don't know theirs either. talk about adventurous!

i'm pretty excited about it. i mean, i spend roughly 90% of my waking hours daydreaming about nashville and my future life there, so i guess you could call that excited. or obsessive. but i have my days where the excitement dies down and the reality of it hits me. that's when the worry creeps in and causes me to wonder. how will i know when i'm supposed to move? is it may? what if it's not? what if it is? what then? how will i know what to do? and what happens once i get there?

i just have to keep reminding myself to have faith. because everything's going to work out like it's supposed to.

after all, that plan worked when we were in new york, right?

–– s

let's talk about nashville.

a lot of times, i find myself having this conversation where i'm telling the other person about how i want to move to nashville. they never ask, but i always end up talking about it. probably because i want something more than what i have, something bigger. i'm a dreamer and i want to share that with people.

without fail, the other person always responds by asking me what's in nashville or why i want to move there. i usually reply by giving the short answer, for the sake of time and small talk. i want to go into artist management and i like the music scene in nashville. which easily translates into: i want to work in the music industry and nashville is music city.

the long answer involves a little less logic and a little more faith. and it's a story.

you see, i was a junior in college and i thought i knew what i wanted, finally. i thought i wanted to go to the university of hartford. i thought i wanted to be in their creative writing program. i thought i wanted to graduate with my bachelor's degree in english and then move to new york city or los angeles and have some fancy job. but three weeks in to my fall semester, i realized i had NO IDEA what i wanted. i was scared and upset and, most of all, miserable.

so i did the only thing i could do. i dropped my classes and tried this new thing called praying and actually waiting for God's direction. it was an entirely new concept to me, despite the fact that i grew up hearing all about how He has a plan for me. apparently, i took it upon myself to learn first hand what jeremiah 29:11 clearly states.

'for I know the plans i have for you,' declares the Lord. 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'

and so, what ended up happening was this really neat thing. i stopped wanting what i thought i wanted and started wanting what He wanted for me. suddenly (which is a term i use very loosely because, let me tell you, it was a PROCESS), i had this new dream that's perfect and everything i never knew i wanted.

it was amazing and, to be honest, quite shocking. especially the part about nashville. because, really? nashville? i wanted to live in new york! or la! and yet, when i was given three location options that are the best for a career in the music industry (new york, la, and nashville), i suddenly felt like i wanted to live in nashville. NASHVILLE.

i actually spent some time praying the "are You sure?" prayer because i wasnt totally convinced. it was a city i had never been to or even thought twice about. how could it be my future? of course, i never did get an answer. but then again, when does God ever need to say, of course I'm sure?

so i want to move to nashville. but it's not just my dream. it's His dream.

–– s

'new music tuesday' on a wednesday.

everybody knows that new music (usually) gets released on tuesdays. itunes sends out a "new on itunes" email every tuesday because tuesday is the day it all happens. and every tuesday, i go on itunes and click on the music tab and do research. i check out what's new and what's free and what's on sale and what's featured and so on.

i usually end up making a few select purchases and then put the rest in my "wish list." if you're really interested in my music purchasing habits, my wish list is what i shop from on weeks when there's nothing new that catches my attention. this is rare, however, so my wish list just keeps growing.

on wednesdays, i usually post a recap of my recent music adventures, including anything i'm currently listening to that may not be new. since today is wednesday, here's what's recently been added to my itunes library:

safetysuit –– these times
i LOVE the old safetysuit album, life left to go, which was released in 2008. i think i impulsively bought it and then immediately forgot about it, only to rediscover it a couple years later. and it's so good, i still go back and listen to it occasionally. (which says a lot, because i often forget about a lot of the music i have.) these times was released on tuesday and i downloaded it without even previewing any of the songs. all i can say is that i have no regrets.
favorite tracks: "believe," "never stop," & "you don't see me" / itunes

(their single, "these times," is the free single of the week & their album is included in the "albums under $8" section because it's only $6.99!)

snow patrol –– new york (single)
there's not much else to say except i don't think snow patrol has recorded a bad song. LOVE.
/ itunes

paper route –– absence
this album has been on my wish list for so long and i always put off buying it for one reason or another. but yesterday, it was released on noisetrade for FREE. such a score. i'm loving it and listening to the entire thing on repeat.
favorite tracks: "wish," "last time," & "gutter" / noisetrade

(their free download on noisetrade also includes their new single, "better life," which i bought when it was released on itunes. you can read my review of it here.)

lady antebellum –– own the night
i'm a little late to join this party, but oh my word. this album is so great. i knew it would be. i don't have their old album or anything, but from their radio singles, especially "we owned the night," i could tell i would just love them.
favorite tracks: "we owned the night," "dancin' away with my heart," "wanted you more," & "heart of the world" / itunes

the fray –– the fighter (single)
last, but not least! this single was released a few weeks ago, but i wanted to mention it because it's THE FRAY and also because it's AMAZING. i have been listening to it nonstop since i downloaded it. i just love them and i am very impatiently waiting to hear the rest of their new stuff on scars & stories, which gets released on february 7. i have already preordered it. twice.
/ itunes

that's all for this week! to see more of what i'm currently loving, click here. to let me know of something good i've been missing out on, leave me a comment!

–– s

(for past "new music tuesday" posts, click here.)

dream.

a few weeks ago, i decided to make a list of new year's resolutions for 2012. (because i'm a big fan of lists and i have a whole year, plus an extra day. why would i choose just one?) but, i'm not such a fan of calling them resolutions. it's why i'm so hesitant about even making this list. i feel like it's so typical for people to throw that term around like it's nothing, and by mid-january, their big plans are already forgotten about.

i thought about calling them my 'goals' for 2012. because having goals sounds motivating, doesn't it? but i don't like that either. calling them goals makes it sound so definite. like it's a yes or no thing, or something you can cross off a to-do list. mine aren't like that though. mine are more like... dreams.

yeah, that sounds better. dreams. the word just popped into my head and i think it fits perfectly. by definition, a dream is a "strongly desired goal or purpose." "something that fully satisfies a wish." "a state of mind marked by abstraction or release from reality." "something notable for its beauty, excellence, or enjoyable quality." i just love that.

and so, i have my one little word for 2012.

it's perfect. i'm not quite sure what i'm going to do with it yet, but i'm thinking it might be somewhat of a theme for my 2012, so i'm going with it.

–– s

new.

happy 2012!

welcome to my new blog, which i will be posting to every weekday for at least the next 52 weeks. and can i just say that it does wonders for my ocd that the first weekday of 2012 is a monday? because that means i will have five posts every week for 52 weeks.

that is, of course, ignoring the fact that it's leap year and there will be an extra monday tacked on to the end of the year, making my even 260 posts into an odd 261. whatever.

i have an old blog, which includes blogs that were originally posted on myspace, tumblr, and various different blogger accounts.

i also have a tumblr, which i will continue to use as a day-to-day microblog.

i sort of feel like i'm applying for a job with all this discussion of my previous blogging experience. and now i'm going to tell you my goals for this blog and why it's a good fit for my life in 2012!

not really. but i will tell you some things you can expect from this blog.

.this is a personal blog, which i will use to talk about myself at length

.i will try to make it interesting and maybe even a little bit inspiring

.i live my life by faith and i like talking about it, so expect a lot of that .my second favorite topic of conversation is music because i am IN LOVE with it

.there will be weekly posts dedicated to whatever music i'm listening to/just bought/recently rediscovered, in addition to this nifty "listen to this" music page i have created

.there will be post-concert recaps after every show i attend

.i enjoy making lists, especially "top 10" lists

of course, my life is not limited to these things, so there will be lots of other exciting things that you'll just have to stay tuned for.

seriously though. i'm expecting this year to be the BEST YEAR EVER. so get excited. i sure am!

–– s